k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
