She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
