You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
