Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
