i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
ttyl tear gas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
