You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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