On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
