I'm jealous of your bromance
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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