How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
