Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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