Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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