found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
