he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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