I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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