Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
