She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
