I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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