Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
