What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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