he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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