I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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