make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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