that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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