I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
