It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
