I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
