I got her a Nickelback box set.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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