sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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