I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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