just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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