Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
