dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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