i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
