Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
