Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
