I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
