Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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