yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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