Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A bitchslap is in order.
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