I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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