I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
