I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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