I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
