Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Two words: blizzard sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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