Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
