Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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