I skipped work to stalk him.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
