): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
