Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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