i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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